First Impression

We have arrived at the mission centre in Jaipur. We stopped over at Brussels, then flew over to Dehli to spend the night at the airport, then finally took a flight over here to Jaipur. In total we spent two whole days in the plane and the airport eating, sleeping and waking up just to eat again. Indian airlines overfeed you. And they give you amazing Belgian chocolate icecream bar. We were greeted by the ever so cheerful Pastor Yohanne at the Jaipur airport. The rumors were right, he is a wonderful man.

Driving from the airport to the mission centre was a phenomenal experience. I've never seen a place like India before. Maybe in the movies or in my dreams, but not with my very own eyes. The irony of this city fascinates me and breaks me at the same time. Jaipur is urban, but it is also rural. It is so chaotic that it is colorful, and it is so tragic that it is beautiful. I see women walking around in their beautiful Sarees, and I also see little children in rags and old men barely wearing anything. The traffic is crazy. There are camels, motorcycles, packed buses, rig shaws, cars, and cows all on the same road. And it's hilarious because these cows are literally in the middle of the traffic, nonchalantly sitting down or taking slow walks in the midst of the wildly driven cars and the nonstop honks.

There was a moment that I could never forget while we were riding in our van. A little boy came up very close to our car windows and started to wipe them with his dirty cloth. He wiped the windows briefly and started to gesture for money/food. We were instructed not to look at him, but he persistently glued his body right by the window and stared at us intensely. The way he looked at me broke me into a million pieces. He was such a young little boy. Yet his eyes reflected remorse, demand, hunger, and a speck of contamination. I suddenly became overwhelmed by so many different kinds of emotions- I felt shocked, broken, and opened. At that moment I questioned myself of whether I had come here for the right reasons, and I couldn't find the answers. But one thing I knew for sure was that I was supposed to be right there anyway, to see what I saw, and to feel what I have felt.

Everything and everyone on the streets caught my eye. It was a real world. It was the real world. It wasn't just in movies or photos, it was real. I have only been in the city of Jaipur for a couple of hours, and I was already broken and stretched. I realized that I could have went on, and could go on a lifetime without ever thinking about places such as these. I could easily spend my whole life in our ridiculously comfortable North America, constantly and only striving after my personal glory and all the pretty things. I could have easily decided that it was not necessary to make the effort to come all the way down here, leaving the comfort of clean water and familiar food. I could easily, so easily, live my whole life sheltered in a bubble without ever developing a desire to know what's going on outside of my world. But I am here somehow, because of God's brilliance and grace. Right here, right now, this summer, to see this, to experience this. I don't completely know why I am here and what I am to do here yet, but I can already feel that God is trying to tell me something. What are You trying to tell me?

Ten days in India.
It's probably not going to be easy and I can already feel it in the air.
Like literally, in the air.

Our Room

From my bunk :)

Bunk beds always bring back pleasant childhood memories.

My survival kit tool #1- my beautiful Cottonelle wet naps.

A Dehlicious Start.

Out of nowhere, they started busting out some Indian meditation/hymnal music really loud throughout the whole airport. Is it a national alarm bell? I feel like I should get into a challenging yoga position and have a moment of silence or something. People are slowly waking up, and we are at the food court now. But it's still 5:20 AM. Oh, our first Indian KFC is here. Mmm, I'm so hungry I could eat a cow. I probably shouldn't say something like that in India though.

First prayer in India

We are in India. But not quite there yet.

We are spending a night here at the Dehli Airport, and then flying out to Jaipur in the morning. They have these long, comfortable leathered tanning chairs here, which is a little odd but fortunate for us. All the stores are closed, but nothing is locked or put away. Aren't they worried that someone hungry and awake (like myself) would steal a chocolate bar or something?

I seek You. I come to you with a broken, empty spirit.

I have the desire to be like You. But I come short once again.

I never want to hurt another, I just want to love. But I keep failing effortlessly.

I am sitting here after making a decision I was not prepared for.

I keep wondering. I keep swimming back and forth between these contradictory feelings.

I feel relieved, and then scared, and then slightly guilty. Cycle continues.

Was it discernment? Or was it my arrogance?

Lord, I have confidence only in You.

Please be close to me and direct me.

I don't know what's best for me, but I know You do.

Help me focus on You, and trust You completely throughout this trip.

If my perspective needs to be altered and my mind cleared, please work with me.

Help me be clear of Your intentions for my life.

Help me rediscover You and myself through this trip.

Help me discover what is from You, and what is not.

Help me know what to let go of, and what to keep.

Please help me, hold me, because I feel lost like a little sheep,

and I need every part of me to be found by You.