This is India

My India

(A powerful poem about India)

Not where the musk of happiness blows,

Not where darkness and fears never tread;

Not in the homes of perpetual smiles,

Nor in the heaven of a land of prosperity

Would I be born

If I must put on mortal garb once more.

Dread famine may prowl and tear my flesh,

Yet would I love to be again

In my Hindustan.

A million thieves of disease

May try to steal the body's fleeting health;

and clouds of fate

May shower scalding drops of searing sorrow -

Yet would I be there, in India,

Love to reappear!

Is this love of mine blind sentiment

That sees not the pathways of reason?

Ah, no! I love India,

For there I learned first to love God

and all things beautiful.

Some teach to seize the fickle dewdrop, life,

Sliding down the lotus leaf of time;

Stubborn hopes are built

Around the gilded, brittle body-bubble.

But India taught me to love

The soul of deathless beauty in the dewdrop

and the bubble -

Not their fragile frames.

her sages taught me to find my Self,

Buried beneath the ash heaps

Of incarnations of ignorance.

Though man a land of power, plenty, and science

My soul, garbed sometimes as an Oriental,

Sometimes as an Occidental,

Travelled far and wide,

Seeking Itself;

At last, in India, to find Itself.

Though mortal fires raze all her homes

and golden paddy fields,

Yet to sleep on her ashes and dream immortality,

O India, I will be there!

The guns of science and matter

Have boomed on her shores

yet she is unconqured.

Her soul is free evermore!

Her soldier saints are away,

To rout with realization's ray

The bandits of hate, prejudice, and patriotic selfishness;

And to burn the walls of separation dark

Between children of the One, One Father.

The Western brothers by matter's might

have conquered my land;

Blow, blow aloud, her conch shells all!

India now invades with love,

To conquer their souls.

Better than Heaven or Arcadia

I love Thee, O my India!

And thy love I shall give

To every brother nation that lives.

God made the earth;

Man made confining countries

And their fancy-frozen boundaries.

But with newfound boundless love

I behold the borderland of my India

Expanding into the world.

Hail, mother of religions, lotus, scenic beauty,

And sages!

They wide doors are open,

Welcoming God's true sons through all ages.

Where Ganges, woods, Himalayan caves, and men dream God -

I am hallowed; my body touched that sod.

Swami Yogananda Paramhansa

Sweet, sweet home.

Back home. Back to my sweet, sweet home.
It feels strange and comfortable at the same time.
I put so much behind me when I left two weeks ago, and I have come back to this exact same place- or is it the exact same place? Everything has changed. At the same time, nothing has changed. There is so much to process through. So many mixed feelings, emotions, and thoughts. So many things to do and to take care of.

I've met a new version of myself in India, and I don't want to lose my sight of her again. And I don't want to leave India behind me either, just because the trip is over. Even though it was only twelve days I was physically a part of India, I won't let that be the end of my journey. I want to live in India a little everyday.

Aw, I have a letter waiting for me in my inbox. The one I've been hoping for.
I guess I am home.

Belgian Waffles

Chocolate chip cookies from Chokola, an Indian chocolate company. Unique and delicious.

Bought Margaret Atwood's pretty version of Moral Disorder and Belgian Waffles at the Brussels airport! Exciting. :)

A Brief Debrief

We had a short debrief session before we got on to the plane at the Dehli Airport. Everyone was so tired and exhausted after long restless days of ministry, tours and traveling, but I was probably at my most livliest state after three days of sleeping and sweating out my pharyngitis. Pastor James took us through a brief session of debriefing, and I was actually very challenged because I realized what I do once I go back is arguably even more important than what I have done during the trip. So here are some notes that I took:

- Being on a mission trip, our identity is somewhat changed. Going back home means confronting our old identities and we enter into our old cultures.
- As we go home, we are transitioning from being surrounded by a community to being by ourselves.
- We may be inspired by how people live, worship and serve in India because it is so different, but we shouldn't feel prideful about what we have seen or how we have changed. Instead, we must recognize that we come from a different context.

- There are three different types of PMS (Post-Missions Syndrome):

1. Assimilation : Adjusting back so well that one forgets about the missions

2. Alienation: Feeling isolated from surroundings and having a hard time adjusting back.
3. Integration: Having a balance between assimilation and alienation.

- Tips on becoming an Integrator:

1. Try not to bring closure to the trip, but make it an extension of missional life.
2. Confront something you need to change.
3. Set aside time after the trip to reflect and spend time with God.

- Things to ponder upon:
1. What expectations do we have upon coming back?
2. How do I need to readjust?
3. What do we want to share most about the trip when we go back?

- Continue to pray for the people that we met.
- You will get sick of people asking you how the trip was, but learn to tell your story. sharing what God is doing in India is important because people in India don't have a voice.

On My Way

Jaipur - Dehli - Brussels - Toronto.
We're so close...

Listening to: On My Way- Phil Collins.
(Yes, I listened to the Disney radio channel on the airplane...)

Tell everybody I'm on my way
I just can't wait to be there
with blue skies ahead, Yes I'm on my way
and nothing but good times to share.

So tell everybody I'm on my way
and I just can't wait to be home
with the sun beating down, yes, I'm on my way
and nothing but good times to show

Yes, I'm on my way :)

Shoeshiner boy

While Elder John and I were waiting outside the shops for the team to finish up their souvenir hunting, a shoeshiner boy approached us. He wanted to shine Elder John and my shoes, even though EJ was wearing an old pair of rugged sandals and I was wearing a pair of Old Navy flipflops. He took a long time to shine them even though there wasn't much to clean, so we got a chance to talk to him and get to know him a little bit. He was so dilligent and hard working, I could tell. He said he works from 10am to 5-6 pm everyday, cleaning shoes. Caste system still prevails in India, which means that shoe shining is the only career option for this boy. His eyes were similar to that of a mature adult and he seemed to understand the world far better than me in some ways. He definitely made an impression that he was different from many that we ran into in the streets of Jaipur or Dehli. He was persistent but unforceful, and he seemed reposed yet ernest. There wasn't anything else I could offer other than money, so we gave him the gospel bracelet that I was wearing as we said goodbye to him. He went off to find another customer with his tool box, humming.

Post Shopping.

having our last cup of Indian coffee at Dehli after shopping.

I got that beautiful elephant scarf for 300 Rupees (7-8 bucks)

How Dehli-cate!

The Grey City
We flew into Dehli in the early morning from Jaipur, checked in at a hotel to catch a few hours of sleep. We spent the whole afternoon in Dehli to tour around the city and to shop for souvenires because we had some time to our flight to Belgium. I don't think Dehli is actually called the grey city, but compared to Jaipur, the Pink city, Dehli is grey. Dehli is so different from Jaipur. There are no cows or camels on the streets. There are tall buildings, and there are yellow lines on the road that cars actually acknowledge. The traffic is way more civil, and the city is cleaner, but less colorful. People are dressed more smartly, and because there are so many tourists in the city, they are not as startled by seeing us. Even though Dehli seems like a much more comfortable, familiar place, I think I feel more attracted and attached towards Jaipur.

Shopping & Fashion.
I started feeling so much better on our way over here in the plane, thank goodness, so my shopping spirit was revived just in time. We bought nice Indian scarves and valuable antique souvenirs for a very cheap price, and had our third Mcdonalds for lunch. As far as taste in fashion goes, I have always been a huge fan of the plain style, and never considered buying anything of pattern unless they were stripes. But I am starting to love the complicated, sophisticated patterns of the Indian saris and scarves. I love the long skirts also. I wish I could wear long skirts even in Toronto everyday. They're so freeing and... well, freeing.

Just before we got into the car to go to the airport, it started to pour hard and we all screamed as we helplessly jumped into deep puddles of rain and dirt without a choice. We are so close, yet so far away from home.

Taj Mahal

We went to go see the famous Taj Mahal, and it was beautiful, but I was still sick at this point and had no motivation or desire to take pictures or even look around. I pushed myself to take one picture of the Taj Mahal because I thought that was the least I could do, but I remained sitting after that.

Instead of going into Taj Mahal for a tour, I stayed outside to rest on the benches, sweating like a sumo player. Elder John, who graciously kept me company, was so eager to take pictures of me with the Taj Mahal because he probably knew I would regret once I felt better, and even though I was too preoccupied to want a picture with one of world's greatest monuments back then, now I am so grateful for these photos. :) Even though I look pretty upset and gross.

Team India 2010. :)

Agra

The dancing snake.

Pharyngitis

I didnt write for a couple days after the train ride because I got pretty sick and didnt have the strength or the motivation to do anything that requires even a minimum amount of strength. I was mostly in my bed sleeping, or more like attemping to sleep through a long series of neverending chest-popping cough sessions.

The day after we came back, which was the August 25th, Pastor Sarah, who had an infection at the back of her ankle, and I had to stay behind at the mission centre while the team members went out for a packed day of village minstries. Throughout the entire night before, I have been literally battling against myself on my bunk bed, not being able to move, not being able to sleep, not being able to think about anything except how much I missed home and my loved ones. I was cold, but I was sweating, and it was such a horrible feeling not being able to sleep even though I was exhausted. But as I was facing the ceiling, the only person I could talk to was God. I don't even remember what I said or how I prayed, but I just remember it was a series of very long conversations that kept me company throughout a very long night. I remember feeling thankful at one point to be so helpless, sick, vulnerable and lonely right in front of God, and almost enjoyed that feeling of having no choice but to be dependent on God.

I woke up around one or two in the following afternoon when Sarah came to check up on me. I was feeling slightly better as I woke up, so we went up to the guys room (cause it was so breezy and nice) and hung out on their beds until Pastor Chun came. We took pictures of my swollen lips and Sarah's infected scar with Pastor James' blackberry and set it as our ID pictures and giggled to ourselves imagining his reaction when he saw them once we got back to Toronto.

Pastor Chun took us to the hospital near the city. It was a pretty small building, and there were many Indians waiting. As soon as we got there to register, people got out of their ways and moved to other places so that we could sit on chairs, even though we tried to tell them we were fine. And they constantly stared at us.

Sarah had to get an injection so she went into this tiny room with a nurse, but it was taking forever. The nurse kept poking around her wrist because she couldn't find her veins. As for me, the doctor told me I had pharyngitis, and told me I should get better in 3-4 days. He gave me seven different kinds of pills. I think he gave me one for every area I mentioned that was hurting.

Then, Pastor Chun took us to McDonalds. Although I wasn't sure if having McDonalds would be good for my 'pharyngitis', I was really hungry anyway so I ordered McNuggets. Since water and electricity were temporarily shut down at the mission centre and we had some time til the team came back, Pastor Chun invited us to go to his house to visit his wife and the children. Though we couldn't stay for long, we got a chance to talk to them more personally and it was really great seeing them.

I asked Pastor Chun how long he was planning to stay in India. He said that when they initially came to India, they came with a heart to stay for good. And that he would stay as long as Indian government would let him. It really struck me hard when he said that. I love India, and during the short time I had stayed in India, I developed so much love and passion for the people and the country. But I wasn't sure if I could stay in India for too long. I was sick for only a couple days and I was already dearly missing the comfort of my own home. I could live without clean water, my social circle, authentic Korean food, my surroundings, the comfort of speaking my mother tongue, and air I have no trouble breathing in for a couple weeks, or maybe even a couple months. But could I give them up for life? Could I turn away from them, knowing that I might never come back for them again? For some incomprehensible reason, the fact that Pastor Chun came with a determination not to go back to his own country was a shock for me, even though that probably should have been expected. Once again, I got a chance to ponder upon what it really means to live for Christ.

Pastor Chun was living for Christ, by making Christ his home.

Is Christ my home?

Rest Day

We all had matching Sponge Bob waterbottles from Shoppers :)

The mall! It was huge...

The Indian sample platter at the food court. Huge as well...